My apologies for the absence of late, but Time has not been on my side.
I have been hearing a lot about that these last few weeks. Time. This mythical substance that flitters away during your day. You blink, you miss it. It is the crack of motherhood. We always need more.
It would appear that I and almost every new mum in the world suffer from a lack of It. Seriously though, where the hell does It go? I was told that when you become a mother, hour's become shorter. I actually laughed at this statement because I have always been so good at managing It (I use a capital "I" and "T"when talking about Time now as he has become somewhat of anthropomorphic character in my life).
To say that I have am obsession with It would be an understatement. I have always been a wee bit OCD with my good friend Time, we have this love hate relationship that years of therapy is still trying to uncover. But then the Monkey leaped into my life and recently she has taken my well managed, organised Time in her teeny chubby little hand, stuck It in her gummy juicy mouth, and thrown him up all over my shirt. This (not so) tiny being has thrown me under the emotional bus and couldn't care less.
Cleo came into our life with such ease that I took it for granted that she would always be so amenable. Seriously, never before was there a so chilled. She slept so well, she ate, she did all the things babies do to a schedule of her own making. The control freak in me tip toed a little happy dance of joy. I would see this harried looking parent's with a struggling infant and feel... well, smug. I now want to go back and apologise to every woman or man out there, in person, on bended knee. God I was naive. This sweet little minx lulled me into a false sense of security. With nary a word of warning she became 'aware'. I am lucky if I can grab a few minutes in the day for me.
A few weeks ago I had a bit of a melt down. My pain levels were through the roof and the fear that it wouldn't get any better was paralysing. Off I limped to the doctor to be told that I was stressed, I needed to take some Time for myself. I think I may have actually pee'd a bit with laughter. "Is this covered in my health insurance"? I asked glibly. She looked quizzically at me and missing my sarcasm totally replied, "well surely you must be able to find an hour or two in the day to yourself? Nap time"? I wanted to throw my head back and laugh like a Banshee. In the precious "nap time" every mother I know, runs around her house like a lunatic trying to get everything done before their little bundle of Time sucking joy wakes up and demands to be entertained. "Well come back in two week's and we'll see how you are doing" My jaw dropped. It was at this point I started to seriously wonder about our medical professionals. Did she seriously think that anything would have changed in two week's? Is there some magic pill out there that can give you those much sought after few hour's? Is there buggery!
Sadly in the blink of an eye my day has gone. By 8 o'clock I am looking at Time wondering if it is to early to go to bed. Time sit's in the corner of my living room and mock's me, he steal's precious hours from me so that when the Monkey bed battle has been fought I have no more energy or will power to carry on. Time, I have come to realise is not the well managed friend of old, he is now a total bastard. That said, I have decided to stop fighting him head on because so far Time is kicking my ass. Instead, I am regrouping, learning, improvising and failing all that am not above some sneaky guerilla trick's to steal back part of my day. This past week or so, I have desperately tried to grab every spare minute I can. Monkey needed some new trouser's. Done! Bam, take that Time! I really wanted to get my niece/nephew's (watch this space) quilt done. Pow! Here's mud in your eye Time. Unfortunately, there are also about a million other job's that also needed my attention though. My new tactic is to take them on one by one. I will beat you Time. I will win. That said, it has taken all day to write this. Monkey and I are both a bit sick and shockingly she and Time have formed an alliance. No snazzy photo's today. Maybe tomorrow.