Saturday, 1 September 2012

Oh the excitement.

I am off for a weekend away from my baby.  I leave in less than an hour with my friend Pauline, to go to Texel with my knitting group.  Yep I go to a knitting group every other Friday.  (I have even been known to knit at said group, but mainly we drink wine, laugh a lot and put the world to rights)  Today also happens to be Monkey's 6 month birthday.

So here is the problem.  Why am I so anxious?  Yes, I am a control freak, but I know Matt will do a splendid job without me.  It won't be the way I do it, (and truthfully that bother's the shit out of me) but I am sure I will come back to a perfectly fine baby, a very tired husband and a judgy dog.  I so desperately need some quality "me" time that I may combust without it.  So why do I feel so guilty?  Is it guilt over leaving my baby on her "birthday"? Guilt over leaving Matt alone with the baby?  Maybe it is because if I am honest, I can't wait to get out the door.  Don't get me wrong I love Matt, Cleo and George more than life itself.  My family is everything to me.  Yet I still have this knot in the pit of my stomach.  I so wanted to go, but the question is can I "let go"?

I procrastinated for ages about this trip, and finally had to force myself to go.  Not because I didn't want to, but more because if I didn't my sanity would crumble into teeny tiny pieces.  For the next 48 hours I will be 3 hours and a boat trip away.  I will try very hard to give myself permission to relax, unwind and do nothing.  Failing that, there is always wine.

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