I am off for a weekend away from my baby. I leave in less than an hour with my friend Pauline, to go to Texel with my knitting group. Yep I go to a knitting group every other Friday. (I have even been known to knit at said group, but mainly we drink wine, laugh a lot and put the world to rights) Today also happens to be Monkey's 6 month birthday.
So here is the problem. Why am I so anxious? Yes, I am a control freak, but I know Matt will do a splendid job without me. It won't be the way I do it, (and truthfully that bother's the shit out of me) but I am sure I will come back to a perfectly fine baby, a very tired husband and a judgy dog. I so desperately need some quality "me" time that I may combust without it. So why do I feel so guilty? Is it guilt over leaving my baby on her "birthday"? Guilt over leaving Matt alone with the baby? Maybe it is because if I am honest, I can't wait to get out the door. Don't get me wrong I love Matt, Cleo and George more than life itself. My family is everything to me. Yet I still have this knot in the pit of my stomach. I so wanted to go, but the question is can I "let go"?
I procrastinated for ages about this trip, and finally had to force myself to go. Not because I didn't want to, but more because if I didn't my sanity would crumble into teeny tiny pieces. For the next 48 hours I will be 3 hours and a boat trip away. I will try very hard to give myself permission to relax, unwind and do nothing. Failing that, there is always wine.